It is often said that people come to therapy because someone else in their life will not. Most of my clients have one parent or close family member who acts regularly in an emotionally immature way, where the parent is selfish, “toxic,” emotionally neglectful, enmeshed or co-dependent, dismissive, abandoning, or the like. Such traits are generally unchanging in the person. Thusly you might question now as an adult how to have a relationship with your parent and hold your boundaries, how to forge strong secure attachments to your friends or partner, and how to believe in and trust yourself.

My Clients Have Experienced:

• Co-dependent or enmeshed parent
• Emotional neglect
• Developmental (childhood) trauma
• Attachment trauma
• Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual abuse by a parent in childhood
• Boundary issues with family
• Parent or sibling with mental health concerns: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Bipolar I, Alcohol Dependence (Alcoholism) or other Substance Abuse

There are four primary Types of Emotionally Immature Parents as described by author & psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gisbon:

• The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
• The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
• The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
• The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory

Perhaps your parent had or still suffers from a mental health illness, such as a mood disorder, substance use disorder, or a personality disorder. And many parents simply were not taught about emotion regulation, and thusly could not provide their child with emotionally mature care. If this sounds familiar, you might struggle with feeling sure in your own emotions and knowing yourself because you parent did not teach you how.

Processing these childhood experiences and your adult relationship with your parent in therapy can help heal the wounds and clarify how to live more confidently in your own feelings and relationships. In therapy, you can reduce the confusion and anxiety left over from this kind of upbringing.